Wednesday, March 28, 2012

How are you?

Lately it seems the one asking this question give the appearance to be walking on eggshells as they ask me this.  It seems they are afraid I am going to lash out and break.  Granted, I know they are only asking because it is the polite thing to do.  It is the way society has ingrained in us that we ask our friends, family, co-workers, and even random strangers this very question.

But so often I do want to lash out and say 'do you really want to know how I am, or are you asking simply because it is the polite thing to do?'  Because quite frankly, there are many days when I want someone to feel the pain and experience this very nightmare, but at the same time, I wouldn't want to wish the loss of a child on anyone - not even my worst enemy (not that I have one).  I remember saying in the early days of this ongoing nightmare, that I would wish that "enemy" a full body cast with an itch or 2 that they simply cannot reach, but this... Never. I even recall telling that to the nurses I had and they found that to be comical.  I guess
now looking back at it, that is a comical statement.

I guess if I were to be honest (and most times I am), I can say I am okay.  I am hanging in there and taking it one day at a time.  It is truly the only thing I can really do at this point because we truly do not know when it will be our turn to meet the heavenly Father and reunite with our loved ones who have gone before us.  I have to relish in the thought that I need to enjoy the time I do have on this Earth before it's time for me to go where I need to be. Many days I put on a facade that it's all okay, but inside I am completely broken. I know others are experiencing this awful nightmare too, but I just wish we didn't have to and when asked how are you we can be completely honest and say that everything is grand.

I can wish, right.


  1. I can relate! Thank you for writing! P.s. my counselor thinks "how are you?" is a very unfair question.

  2. When someone asks me "how are you" to be... I quickly still say "fine" and I don't ask them the question back because now I don't want to talk to them because I'm not fine.